so noisy!

i deleted my second blog! so sad. but i really didn't feel safe at all. I was really scared that ppl would somehow manage to get to my blog and read all the horrible wat-nots there (otherwise known as paranoia because of a guilty conscience) . then i created another one. but this time not by blogger so i can password-protect it. then i got the e-mail, then i clicked the link... and then... nothing happened. so i think just forget it. i'm not that stressed anyway, so i dun think i have to resort to screaming vulgarities and then publishing it for everyone to see (not that i do, just an example) i'm really wishy-washy, but it's a little on the half-half side on the sentimental side. i shall watch simpsons and malcolm in the middle later. Today during cat class, we had to come up with a parable and go in front of the class to read it out. i read out something remotely like a parable. i think. i liked dominic's parable, the one about the sparrow and the glass dome; and elsa and clarabelle were driving the class crazy with their "safety-pin" jokes. nobody got it and it was really very annoying. today had chinese O-level listening. i think it was pretty much ok, but i got question 2 wrong. i also discovered that i have short term memory. i don't remember what i write 3 seconds after i write it out. i was writing in the section notebook just now and then i looked at wat i wrote and then i suddenly thought, " huh?! i wrote that?!" haha. oh dear. i knew my memory was bad, but not this bad.

i'm back for a little while. not for long. just to comment on how sai the elearning thing is. but more importantly... i've already set up another blog, and the effects are immediate. i feel so liberated. i've whined, whinged complained etc on the blog and it's so liberating! yes it feels great and i'm really really happy. if anyone else has been facing the same problem as me (earlier entry) i'll would suggest setting up a secret blog. it's really really good. of course i do miss this blog, which is why i haven't deleted it yet, but that's besides the point.


don't hesitate, just go ahead!

i've just made up my mind. I feel quite sad, quite weird, almost at a loss... but it's necessary. From now on, i shall not be updating very much. I finally decided that i'm going to set up another blog - but this time, it'll be secret. i've always thought and felt that a blog should help me vent my frustrations, but i don't see this happening. In fact, there's almost this been unhealthy need to keep up an appearance, some sort of facade. it grows tiring, and honestly i'm quite weary of doing it all the time. it's all in the links. you never know who's reading your blog. and this is why you have to watch what u say. it gets so frustrating. i really watch wat i say. avoid taboo topics, avoid entries that express how i feel. anytime i try to express any anger or irritation etc, i always so cryptic. i hate being cryptic. it's like trying to hide behind nonesensical jargon. i've actually been thinking of a sercret blog for quite a while. i wasn't actually serious about the idea, but i heard a few ppl were doing smthg like that and that got me thinking. then i thought "why not do that and this blog concurrently?" sounds ideal, doesn't it? blah blah. i know perfectly well that it will not work out. definitely not. and i think it's better to choose the more holistic option. which brings me back to this blog. i dunno. it's my first blog. i put in a lot of effort, changing the template (5 or 6 times already) adding links, learning html, etc. (if only i could be like that when it comes to school work) and i feel very attached to this blog. so i don't think i'll abandon it per se. maybe i'll update every once in a while if i feel like it. (gosh, i sound so mushy. yuck.) arrrggh! i really don't know! i'm not ready to abandon this blog! but now after getting back all the mid-year review papers and wat with wat going on, my spirits have taken a real dip. and i think it's necessary. i think abandoning a blog is like losing a friend. even if it's a friend that you can't really confide in.